sunnuntai 4. marraskuuta 2012

the art of relaxing (the last days of holiday)

I feel like i'm finally finding out the joy of doing absolutely nothing. 

I've never had the talent to relax by doing nothing. I'm the kind of person who feels guilty if she wakes  up after 9 in the weekends, or spends a day just watching movies at home. I even feel like I'm wasting time when I'm sick, or when I see a bad film. I'm always doing so many things at the same time that after all I don't get anything finished. It's exhausting to always be on the move, and after all, you might not achieve any more during the day by running around. 

My way of relaxing has always been trough sports, dancing, spending time with friends, and cooking. But then, relaxing shouldn't be something you have to do not to feel guilty. As a perfectionist, I feel guilty when I miss something my friends are doing, or when the food that I'm cooking doesn't turn out how I wanted it to. 

When I left Finland and became an exchange student for the year, probably the hardest thing for me in the beginning was not to be able to do all the same things I used to do every day, not to be able to control my life and the routines in it. In here, I had to integrate myself to the habits and routines of my new family (and two other families after that). I didn't have all the same stuff to do than in Finland, I had to plan my days with the rules of the people I was now living with. 

So in here, I had more freetime, especially in the beginning, before school started. It was revealing, in some way, not to have any plans or obligations during the days. Normally, I could have several weeks planned beforehand with only a few hours of time that I didn't already know what to do with. Some of the obligations I thought I had weren't even important, but still, if I didn't do them, I felt like I'm getting nothing done. Here I've been forced to learn to enjoy my time without doing anything specific. And I'm finally getting there. Of course, there's busy times here too. Some weeks I have so many plans that I don't have time for everything, but it's a different thing, they're not routines or obligations. I don't feel guilty when I miss something.

This week, as I told before, I missed the trip to Switzerland with my hostfamily, because I was sick. The migraine only lasted for the day though, so I had the rest of the week left by myself, with no plans. I ended up planning one day (A day trip to Antwerpen - or Anvers as the french speakers call it), and stayed the rest of the days home with the exception of going to the grocery store and walking to the city center to buy shampoo and sit at my favorite café reading a book). And even after all these days of laziness, average romantic comedies and sleeping until midday, I don't feel guilty! I feel relaxed! This is a new feeling for me! And I'm enjoying it. 

Happy start of November! (or Movember if you like)

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